The New York Times reviews Top of the Class: How Asian Parents Raise High Achievers – and How You Can Too, by Dr. Soo Kim Abboud and Jane Kim, to be published November 1. It seems mean-spirited of me to complain about a book I haven’t read, but if I wait until it’s published, something else will have knocked it off my list, so…

In “Top of the Class” the Kim sisters advise parents who want successful children to raise them just as the Kims did - in strict households in which parents spend hours every day educating their children, where access to pop culture is limited, and where children are taught that their failures reflect poorly on the family.

Let’s set aside the question of whether “Asian” parents all raise their kids the same way, as well as questions about the uses of the term “Asian-American.” As far as I can tell from the review, the Kim sisters’ argument is a pretty narrow one, something like “If you do what our parents did, your kid will get into the school of your dreams.” Need I say that the review adequately questions this premise?

But the core of the Kim sisters’ apparent argument especially concerns me. I try to picture an American parent following their advice: trying to raise their kids by acting like they think Asian parents would. Parenting comes from a deep, largely unconscious, cultural base. In good parenting, that base is coherent: The parts of it fit together, so that our convictions, our assumptions, our personal history all flow into the smallest action with our child. To try to “act like an Asian parent” seems likely to give about the same results as saying “Hey, let’s play softball, but play it the way we imagine sumo wrestlers would.”

But I wonder: Is it possible that the cross-generational evolution of parenting styles in parents of Asian descent may yield a terrific model for many Americans: one that features good structure and strong expectations without shame, a balance of family and individual goals, and intense parental involvement that nonetheless allows for freedom of choice? I could relate to that.

I was just talking to our next-door neighbors, who were praising the Baby Einstein DVDs. They feel good about the content: stimulating, fun, up-to-date theory backng them, but with a homemade feel.